Dear God, It's me, Lindsay.

This post is not going to be very fun and informational about my new residence. It is more of me just needing to vent. They say when you throw things out there then they are more likely to change. So, here goes! First of all, I just want to preface this by saying that I am not sad or in a dark place. I am simply unsettled and feeling discontent with the way my twenties have gone. I remember when I was 21 and the world seemed perfect. I had a plan to by married by 25-26 and start expanding the family by 29. I am not saying I regret the decision I made at all. The things that have happened since then have shaped me. I would be a completely different person if I had stuck to that plan. I would be selfish, conceited, and I would not have some of the best friends I have today. I would also still be taking forgranted the relationship I had. I learned a lot about treasuring the times you have with people because you never know when they will walk out the door. I thought I "had it in the bag" and I quickly learned that I am in no way, shape, or form in control of other people's feelings. Since then, I have been kind of reckless. I was hurt so bad that I have done everything possible to be the one who "loves less" so in the end I am not the one hurting. I think I have missed out on people beacause of my own fears. I have not found "that feeling" I used to have because I do not allow myself to get that involved. It is hard. Many people I know are married and some are starting families, and I am still stuck in this rut. As much as I try not to worry and not to stress, it only makes it worse. My greatest fear is that I am alone for so long because I am searching for something that I keep running from instead of allowing myself to take a chance. I have this list. A list of everything I want to find in someone. Some things on the list are obviously not as important and if it came down to it, there would be exceptions. Other things though, are not negotiable. It is not about finding someone with all of these "things" and getting married and starting a family. It is about having that relationship again. The one where you know that person absolutely adores you and you adore them in the same way. The person that you can sit and talk for hours on end and there is never a dull moment. Before you realize it, hours have passed. The person that calms you down when you get angry and frustrated, instead of making the matter worse. It doesn't seem like too much to ask for, but it is the hardest thing to find. Ya know that saying, "it is better to have loved and lost, than to have never loved at all." I am thinking I would rather have never loved yet in my life because then I would be satisfied a little easier. Again, I am not saying I miss "that person" at all. I just miss the relationship. Yes, there were problems, hence why it ended. But that is my standard now because I know how great I can get. It is not something you can write down in a list of things you are looking for. I have a list. Some of those things are nonnegotiable, but it is more about a connection and personalities that compliment each other rather than things in a list. I just struggle, because I know where I want to be, and I feel like I am just going to be in this place I am at for a long time.

It has begun!

So much has happened since my last post! I was only talking about relocating and now I AM HERE! So obviously, I got the job, had a going away party and moved to California! Of course I miss everyone back home, but I also love it out here and I am really enjoying myself. I live two miles from the beach, so I find myself there on the weekends. I am in the process of finding a church to attend to meet some people. I also found a few local events and runs to participate in! Lauren is already coming to visit in a few weeks. I can't wait! I miss her so much. Then I will be home for Thanksgiving and Christmas so that will help with the adjustment. Gotta run. Hopefully it won't be three months until the next post!

Do I see BEACHY sunsets in my near future??

Possibly!

I applied to some Raytheon jobs in El Segundo, CA. It is on the coast just south of Santa Monica. You can see the beach from the office. I want that. I also want to walk outside to 80 degree weather instead of 110 degree weather. Sitting in the sand watching the sun set over the water would also not be a bad thing. I am really not seeing any cons to this! Maybe the cost of living. I know it is expensive, but I looked online at apartments and it is not that much more. We will see. I have only applied so far. I did get a call from the talent group about my applications. Now it is all up to the managers. I am just crossing my fingers that this works out. If not, then it just wasn't in my cards. The only thing I worry about is flying there and home to visit with the two munchkins. I know I can carry them on in one cage but most people drug them while they fly. I am scared to drug them. Oh well, I will cross that bridge when I get there. Until then, everyone cross your fingers with me!! :)

What the what?? It is already July! Yikes! Where did the time go! Or where did I go??? On two vacations!! Yeppers. Since the middle of May I have been on the cruise and to visit my beautiful cousin Christi in Los Angeles! We shall start with the cruise. Oasis of the Seas by Royal Caribbean. GORGEOUS! I am in love with this mother of a ship. There was EVERYTHING you could imagine: Ice Skating, Ice Cream Parlor, Doughnut Shoppe, Carrousel, Candy Shop, Johnny Rockets, Cajun Restaurant, a Coach store in Central Park! It was amazing. There was even an outdoor aqua theatre where they did some Cirque stuff! Here are some pics:

See that bad boy that is larger than the rest? That is it!

Cupcakes!! That would be the cause of the weight gain!

First stop: Atlantis! Love this place.

Then St Thomas :)

Rented Jeeps in St Maarten

Central Park. So fun!

Then we spent Memorial Day weekend in Miami!

Mom, Lu and I went to California a few weekends ago to see Christi!! and of course NKOTBSB :)

We had really awesome seats at the concert :) haha

Santa Monica Pier!

Fresh Prince house!

We had such a great time. Now, looking forward to my next trip: Hawaii!! Back to Maui :)

Like Colbie says "I've been runnin' around"

May has been BUSY! I remember when Mom first bought our rooms for the cruise and it seemed like it was so far away! Now it is 3 DAYS away! So Pumped to the Max! And so ready for 10 days of relaxation with my family. I have been so busy lately that I usually forget what day it is.

I did remember to attend the Mesquite Rodeo when EYB was in town :) Love those guys and their crew. It was a pretty interesting evening too. I knew in my head it was supossed to rain but that was the last thing I thought about as I stood outside for the show, and also as I parked my car in a dirt field. No grass. Just dirt. Then came storms. Heavy rain. Hail. Thunder. Lightning. Folding chairs rolling across the stage. But the show went on! It was acoustic but awesome. And I got to see one of my dear friends Philip. Then I got stuck in the field...it was a mess. A very muddy mess. My tiny car had no chance. Luckily a kind boy with a very large truck pulled my car to the road. So grateful for him.

Mother's day weekend we ended up doing a VIP tour of Cowboy's Stadium. It was pretty awesome. You get to see Jerry Jones's "perch" where he sits to watch the games and then the locker rooms and press room. They even take your picture on the star. They tell you that you can spend as much as time you want, once the tour is over, on the field and you can throw the football or play around. They did not, however, tell you that they do not want you on the field goal posts...

Haha. Always causing trouble.

Here are a few others from that day:

Dad and I in Jerry's chair for the games.

Me taking questions from the press.

Nate in the area where the Cowboys run through to get to the field.

Lu and I on the star :)

And that is my father... he is special lol.

The following weekend I boarded a plane to San Antonio to spend a few days in Poth with my cousin Brittani, her neighbors and her State Trooper buddies. She has to go back to Afghanistan for the Army so of course there was a going away party! It was a great send off for her and I pray she comes back safely.

Here are some pictures from the party and that weekend:

Yep, Britt got a bounce house to keep the kids occupied... it really was for the adults to make fools of themselves inside!

We made Cake Pops! We even made CLR dice (such a fun game!)

The neighbor kids made these posters for her. Sooo adorable!

It was such a great weekend, that turned out to end on an opposite note. I got word as I was boarding my flight home that my grandma, Momo, went to the ER overnight and was now in ICU. She was not doing well. The past few days have been scary. The worst feeling I have ever felt in my 28.5 years of life. But today is better. She was moved out of ICU and Mom said she is doing much better! The Lord sure does answer prayers.

Phil 4:6-7

Whoa!

So it has been a while since I have graced the three readers of my blog with my presence! Sorry folks. I have been quite the busy bee. Just to catch everyone up: I moved out of Dallas and into Nate and Lauren's house back in good old Rowlett. Work has been crazy. Life has been somewhat peaceful. I went to visit some of my good friends in Nashville, and I have also spent a lot of much needed time with the family.
I feel pretty good. I mean of course I can always complain about the usual pants getting tighter and how I hate driving to McKinney. But, all in all, life is pretty good. I wish I could spread this contentment with other people though. Maybe they are trying to make conversation by complaining about everything wrong in their lives, but to me, that is not conversation. I know we all need to vent but I feel like people can be so selfish and it is all about them being happy. They think that their unhappiness can be fixed by some person just doing the right thing. (I guess I should listen to my own words because I would't be calling folks out if they had just not been so negative!) I just wish I could somehow get these people to see how insignificant some of the stuff they complain about is. I know this sounds so cliche, but seriously, there are families without homes, food, and clothing, or countries that have whole populations being contaminated by their water supply. Just stop for one moment and realize that you are nothing but a tiny speck in a huge world. The world revolves around the greatest love of all and we should be helping other people in need and not automatically jumping to anger when something does not go our way. Instead, take some time to think about why you are angry. Why did something upset you? If the answer is, because I am selfish and I wanted what I wanted when I wanted it. Think of the people who lost their jobs and homes because of this economy. Do you think they wanted that? We are all still living on this planet for a reason. Do you want to live your live being mad all the time that you did not get what you wanted? Life would be much better if you acknowledge what you do have and be grateful you were given another day of life. Another day of life to reevaluate your purpose and maybe help someone else out instead of always focusing on me, me, me.

You have the choice each day to either be a crab or a happy dolphin jumping around singing all day!

Your choice. I choose to hang out with dolphins :)

Endometriosis? What IS that?

Those were my exact words. That was the result of my surgery. She found endometriosis in there. She was able to burn off what she could see, but I am still having pain, so there must be more in there somewhere. Bad news is, there is not a cure for it. There are things you can do to keep it from growing as fast as it would normally, but as far as getting rid of it, there is nothing. So I basically live as normally as possible and take pain pills when I need to. The past 7 months of horrible weeks, then better weeks, then another horrible week, is going to forever be the norm. I can't help but be frustrated with this. I was trying to train for a half marathon last fall and that was put on hold because of the pain. Now that this is not something I can get rid of, I may never be able to run a half or another full marathon again. That makes me sad. I found something I enjoy and I can use to destress and I am now limited in it. At least it started after I got one marathon under my belt. That, I am thankful for. But what about the future? What if I am at Disney World with my family and I can't walk and enjoy that time because I am in pain. All these things are going through my head and I feel so down. I am on a treatment plan to keep it from growing so hopefully that will help. We shall see.
I just have to remind myself everyday that this is all part of the plan. God is using me with this and I just have to trust Him.