Life is funny...

I had a little revelation, you could say, the other day. It made me literally laugh out loud. Life has a funny way of showing us things. I basically just got out of something where I was pointing out all of these reasons why they are not the one for me. I think some of you will remember... or maybe not, it has been a loong time, but someone did that to me. They physically wrote out an email with paragraphs explaining to me why all of these things were not what they were looking for in their significant other. I may have not written a letter, but I am sure the pain he is feeling, or probably not, is much like the pain I felt at that time. I was CRUSHED. I thought I was a good person. I knew my reasonings behind things I did, but I could also see where he was coming from.

It is funny how, looking back, I was so angry with that person, and thinking to myself "How can they call themselves a Christian and sit here and judge me and tell me where I am wrong?!?" Now I see, at least in what I was thinking when I was doing it, was that I was only telling them these things in hopes that it would make them see they may be off the path and may want to think about things. I honestly thought they were better than their actions and was more disappointed. We are all called to be accountable of each other. If I am straying I would HOPE that someone would help me without waiting for me to realize it and asking for help. At the time it happened to me, I was not wanting to hear it and was so appalled, but it did make me step back and ask myself what I was doing and if this was what I wanted to be. I am by no means a saint or a perfect person, and I know I struggle daily, but it does hurt when someone tells you and it basically feels as if they are throwing in your face all of the things you know you struggle with. In my situation, I honestly don't think they are "struggling" with fixing those things, rather than that is just who they are.

I know the kind of person I was a few years ago, and I know who I am now. I did eventually see and understand all of the points that person made about me and honestly am a different person now because of it. I know they were not meaning to hurt me, and they even said that, but all I heard was someone pointing out every one of my faults. It is hard to keep that open mind when someone tries to tell you these things, but sometimes you have to take a step back, and see that maybe they are not hurting you, but they love you so much (as a friend, mind you) and have seen you grow, know your potential, and just want you to be your best self. We all have things we look for in the "one" we are all searching for, and just as I was not going to settle, he was not either.

I know how hurt I was at the time, and I do not wish that upon anyone. It took me a long while to get over it and understand, but I am better now for it. Hopefully, I did not hurt him as bad as I was, and hopefully he can see it was not to be hurtful, but out of love and that I see more potential than he is allowing.

You Can't Make Someone Be Your Friend

I saw this and was like yes, yes it is. I have learned that it is impossible to have a successful conversation with someone that has no intention of being anything but rude. It is so frustrating to explain anything to someone who only sees what they want to see and refuses to see the actual picture in front of them. I have tried to mend the friendship but sometimes you just can't because the other person is so impossible. They think by being rude they are winning over you. It drives me nuts when people act that way. I like to think that I am an open minded and forgiving person. I know we all have situations where we draw our own conclusions from only one piece of data, but sometimes we don't see the full picture. We have to be able to sit back and see that we only saw a portion of it, and that once the full picture is revealed, we can then realize maybe the conclusions we drew on the portion were not true of the whole. I am frustrated with people who only see the portion of the picture and refuse to see the whole. They draw conclusions on one instance and once the truth is revealed, they refuse to listen to it. I guess if they really valued the friendship they would take time to listen. I know you can't make people be your friends but it hurts when they base their refusal on something they concluded that is false.

On that note, thanks to my genuine friends who know who I really am.

Truth

*Hangs head in shame...

I know I am a horrible person. I have left my three followers hanging for months since my last post! Well, don't feel left out. Nothing has been happening except boring, normal life stuff. I have been working a lot, trying to not spend money, and just focusing on myself lately. I know life is full of ups and downs, I just feel like I get excited all too often and then I am basically back to wondering who I am all over again. I have a goal that is just a personal goal I have wanted to work toward for a long time. I always brainstorm but I never actually get anything done. I blame it on money but I know that is a lame excuse and I can make the sacrifices in order to fulfill my goal. I am going to stick to this commitment though this time, to not stray and get caught up. I know what I want to accomplish and I feel so far from that. I want to get back to business with myself and get focused again on what I want for me. I know that it will not happen overnight. It most likely will take years to develop, but it is constantly on my mind and I am constantly telling myself I am failing because I have not been able to get any further with it. Prayers please!