I had a little revelation, you could say, the other day. It made me literally laugh out loud. Life has a funny way of showing us things. I basically just got out of something where I was pointing out all of these reasons why they are not the one for me. I think some of you will remember... or maybe not, it has been a loong time, but someone did that to me. They physically wrote out an email with paragraphs explaining to me why all of these things were not what they were looking for in their significant other. I may have not written a letter, but I am sure the pain he is feeling, or probably not, is much like the pain I felt at that time. I was CRUSHED. I thought I was a good person. I knew my reasonings behind things I did, but I could also see where he was coming from.
It is funny how, looking back, I was so angry with that person, and thinking to myself "How can they call themselves a Christian and sit here and judge me and tell me where I am wrong?!?" Now I see, at least in what I was thinking when I was doing it, was that I was only telling them these things in hopes that it would make them see they may be off the path and may want to think about things. I honestly thought they were better than their actions and was more disappointed. We are all called to be accountable of each other. If I am straying I would HOPE that someone would help me without waiting for me to realize it and asking for help. At the time it happened to me, I was not wanting to hear it and was so appalled, but it did make me step back and ask myself what I was doing and if this was what I wanted to be. I am by no means a saint or a perfect person, and I know I struggle daily, but it does hurt when someone tells you and it basically feels as if they are throwing in your face all of the things you know you struggle with. In my situation, I honestly don't think they are "struggling" with fixing those things, rather than that is just who they are.
I know the kind of person I was a few years ago, and I know who I am now. I did eventually see and understand all of the points that person made about me and honestly am a different person now because of it. I know they were not meaning to hurt me, and they even said that, but all I heard was someone pointing out every one of my faults. It is hard to keep that open mind when someone tries to tell you these things, but sometimes you have to take a step back, and see that maybe they are not hurting you, but they love you so much (as a friend, mind you) and have seen you grow, know your potential, and just want you to be your best self. We all have things we look for in the "one" we are all searching for, and just as I was not going to settle, he was not either.
I know how hurt I was at the time, and I do not wish that upon anyone. It took me a long while to get over it and understand, but I am better now for it. Hopefully, I did not hurt him as bad as I was, and hopefully he can see it was not to be hurtful, but out of love and that I see more potential than he is allowing.
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